Rabbi Bluenose

I am the MPAA, but with my own ratings system – Gut, Pleases Gd, and Rachmana litzlan.

I am the resident bluenose, my ears perked in pursuit of foul language, my eyes peeled for a stray collarbone or a pair of shorts.

I am your worst social nightmare, able to overhear every off-color joke and swear word from the bimah.

I am the Rabbi, and I hate this part of my job.

Want to show a film in shul? Sure, but I’ll have to screen it.
Entertainment for a dinner? No problem, just run it by me first.
Comedian for a Men's Club program? You’ve got to be kidding me; there are no clean and funny comics anymore. It’s all either shock value or pap.
I dread the day my shul wants to run a Super Bowl party – I know that many do it, but how could I permit it?

I hate doing this. I know how much of an idiot I appear, to those who see far worse on billboards and on commercials on broadcast television, and who hear far worse on any FM Radio morning show. I am aware of the prudish appearance I create, even though my reasons have nothing to do with personal prudishness – I saw worse than that, and certainly heard worse that, in the schoolyard as an eight year old kid. But I’m stuck with enforcing it, because this is the law and I am the lawman.

The worst are the “redeeming value” claims. As in, How could you refuse to show Schindler’s List? It’s about the Holocaust! Or Yes, this sex education program is a little strong, but it’s an important topic. Yes, Holocaust programs matter. Yes, age-appropriate sex education matters. But Torah matters, too, and all of these things that matter have to learn to get along in Matterland.

Clean speech is explicitly mentioned as a concern in the Gemara – Pesachim 3a-b points out that the Torah goes out of its way to use clean language, Rosh haShanah 4a is critical of people who use foul speech when they could have used clean language, Kesuvos 8b is pretty clear as well. Kesuvos even talks about children suffering for their parents’ foul language. It’s in many of Judaism’s works of ethical instruction (מוסר) as well. This really shouldn’t be a controversial point – and all the moreso when dealing with seeing things that are inappropriate.

So I would think that this would be a simple matter in an Orthodox shul, and not really something for debate and discussion. I would think that an emcee at an event would keep his jokes clean. I would think that Sisterhood would avoid hiring an a capella group that sings “Angel in a Centerfold” for the women’s Chanukah brunch.

But people don’t know better, or don’t care, and so I, the shul’s halachic authority by contract as well as popular acclaim, have to be the bad guy. And then you wonder why rabbis have trouble making friends...

[Added note: Of course, there is a good way to do this - Create a positive atmosphere of attention to language, to sexuality, etc. But that takes much time and effort, and even then it often does not pay off and the rabbi has to go negative.]