The Dreaded Davkanik

["Davka" is a Hebrew/Aramaic word meaning "precisely" or "specifically". A "davkanik" does things just because.]

You know the person I mean. The passive-aggressive spouse who won't clean up the bathroom sink which you left a mess when you were in a rush, in order to prove a point. The teenage child who wouldn't really mind parking the car neatly but feels a need to demonstrate his independence. The work colleague who shows up three minutes late to the meeting because she's frustrated that everyone else does it, the checkout person who insists on seeing your credit card to verify the signature even though you shop there daily and she knows you by face.

And, of course, the congregant who walks out after the Haftorah for a drink in the coatroom just because the OU made a stink about it two years ago.

But the worst of all, for me, is the davkanik Rabbis.

They exist on both ends of the religious spectrum, left and right.

The lefties insist on having double-ring wedding ceremonies and women's megilah readings and relying on a controversial hechsher and speaking against the Rabbanut in Israel and pontificating against Artscroll, not necessarily because any of these are necessary in a particular situation but just because they feel someone ought to be doing it. I don't care if you won't eat my hechsher, I believe that non-Glatt is just fine, so that's what my caterer will use. I'll stick my hand in your face, woman, until you shake it, because I think it's mutar. And don't you show me a sheitel.

The righty davkaniks, on the other hand, boycott any event of any kind in which seating is mixed, and stand outside fuming and broadcasting their righteous indignation in case anyone isn't already aware of their discontent. They sit down during the tefillah for the IDF and the medinah - even if they are in the middle of Shmoneh Esreih. They are most afraid of maris ayin, and so even if the food at an event is kosher they take a plate and refuse to eat, lest people think they accept the caterer's hashgachah for all future events, because in five years the caterer might switch hashgachot. Not only will they not sit on a beis din with that oisvorf YU rabbi, they won't even shake his hand. (or is that a germ thing?)

The davkaniks are across the political camps, too. One side preaches Pollard on every occasion including their child's first grade Siddur party, the other camp co-opts every opportunity to criticize the 'settlers,' even a community Purim Seudah. But you get the point.

I'm guilty, too, of davkahood, personally and professionally. This post isn't about a 'them,' although I do think I work pretty hard to avoid making statements just for the sake of making statements.

The whole thing aggravates me no end. What do we gain by davkahood? It's not even about making a point, really, let alone convincing anyone - it's about playing a role, to make ourselves feel good.

And, of course, the big question - does it make us feel good, in the end? If it does, then why do we need to keep doing it?